My Hope For Love
“If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.”
Journal 3/11/21 “I am in a sad state… because love is in a sad state. Dating in 2020 and 2021 at the hight of the pandemic and political polarization has been dastardly. Even without the social climate, men and woman are struggling for footing in their roles (speaking heterosexually). Cultural gender chaos aside, we might be wounded by childhood and/or each other. Add any stress of daily life or other hardships and it feels impossible to find a person who is open and ready for healthy loving, both in giving and receiving.” (Apps themselves are a culprit in tenuous connection; so many people at hand, or so it seems, when really they are far away and facing the same pitfalls we are. Future post about apps!)
It’s all too much to dissect - but of course, I try. What I will focus on today is the need to tend to our own heart, heal ourselves, and be vulnerable and open to love coming our way.
What has wounded us all so deeply? Most vastly, a chain of doubt and trauma which we feel threatens our very survival links each generation. It’s degree, which we have to overcome, varies greatly among us of course. I believe parenting love is the key to unlock romantic love. Without love from our parents, without being shown what unconditional acceptance feels like, we will struggle to know we are worthy. As soon as we feel unworthy we feel lack of connection. Since we all need connection to thrive, we then begin to protect ourselves. Walls, armor, vices, denial, boxes, you name the limit, these smaller places become our home and we interpret them as safe. Not only safe, but the totality of which we are worthy. We see grandness “out there” and think it is not for us. We watch The Notebook and think it’s not real and that no one gets to have that kind of love (…. and I have read many articles which warn us that it’s not. But let me tell you, unconditional, passionate, selfless love can be a true story. More on that soon.)
We all know the saying, “You have to love yourself before you can give love to another.” It’s a saying for a reason. Without being able to hold your own heart in trust and compassion, without knowing your own power and fortitude, you will use your brain to protect yourself and to regulate what you give and receive. Our brain is our protector, it keeps us alive by remembering pain, instilling fear, and rationalizing our decisions. But your heart… your heart is your source. Your heart is your connection to the very power of the earth and creation. Your heart is the flow of limitless energy, connection, and benevolence. Know your heart. You must. Because your brain is not a good lover. Without heart and mind working together in harmonious fluidity, we are flawed in our ability to give and receive.
“The enemy of love is never outside, it’s not man or woman, it’s what we lack in ourselves”
Some people are ok with the limits. Contentment comes in endless forms. But for those of us who crave a deep and powerful connection, we will not be happy with the constraints. Like a river that threatens to breach the dam, we feel our flow stifled and the result is more pressure in our lives, rather than flow. If you feel like a waterfall trying to land in the teacup that is your partner, you know what I mean. If our partner can not receive all that we are, or at least all that we would love to give to them, we might feel alone and, ironically, unfulfilled, as our own love splashes over the limits.
The true story of the Golden Buddha shines light on our truth.
So here you are, a grown ass human, either boxed up but craving true love, acceptance, and connection, or full of love and needing the partner to receive it. Remember, your box is in your mind. It might be a box, a hamster wheel, a mask, armor, addiction.. What ever shape it takes, it is keeping you small and limited. I have met every form sadly - hence the post and inspiration. I have had to battle my own limits of self worth and insecurity. You can start the process of change. You can begin to open your self awareness, look into your heart, and breakdown the constraints. You can begin to give in small ways to your self and others by recognizing the good and beauty that comes from you and them. Every breath, is a gift.
We tend to set love expectations about what we get, not what we give. When we are limited we want to get the connection and assurance we need to fill the empty space and connect us to the benevolence we are missing. We look for that in the other. Please give me acceptance, unconditional love, and devote your life and body to me. It’s a contract - if you do this and I do that then we are a couple and fulfilled. Yes, in a good relationship it is important to receive all of the loving avenues that we need. But this needs to come from your partner having a capacity to love you. Just as what you give to your partner needs to flow freely from you. When it is mind based, the love will have limits and conditions. I give to you if you follow these rules and in this way we need and use each other. When you have discovered the limitless benevolence of your heart, the giving is unconditional. I see you and what you need and let you have it or help to give it to you.
“Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over, and uniting with another (for what would union be of something unclarified, still subordinate - ?) it is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world for himself for another’s sake.”
This is hard work and a long process. Onward, upward, forever growing and learning. Healing our wounds. Learning our power. Connecting to our truth. Know that the vastness and depth of good is available, limitless, and free of charge to you. Well, maybe not the therapists we need.
Do yourself and others a kindness today and see what grows. Take a moment to breath into your heart and see what lives there. These are steps toward goodness for you and the people around you. We are one, each of us like a cell in an organism. Let’s heal us. Let’s all remember that we are pure gold.
Talk of love leads to more talk of love…
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A post about abuse of power vs use of power
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